Somewhere, amidst the apartments.com puns or possibly under the paperwork associated with the living will of Madame D, Jeff Goldblum is confused for the very first time in his life. You see, he just saw Jurassic World and can only muster, “well, there it is.”

This film is, for lack of a better word, stupid. Cue the Indominus Rex. However, it has exciting moments especially when the aviary pops a leak. The nods to the original film were nostalgic yet strategically placed to remind people, like myself, of a film infinitely better than this one. Therefore, my feelings regarding this picture straddle a line between enthusiasm and embarrassment.

There was so much potential here. I saw the Barbasol can in the rain but it was just a commercial for, well, Barbasol. They should have brought Dodgson and Biosyn back. But hey, Trevorrow thought Chris Pratt training raptors with a clicker was more appealing. Thanks Colin.

Jurassic World is a must see but with very low expectations. There is no need to hold onto your butts as it only sinks its talons into 2.9 out of 5 napkins.