Nice one, 10 Cloverfied Lane. Well done.

The start was startling; a violent collision and a tumbling car followed by shocked silence. For me, this accident was the only certainty of the film. Afterwards, Michelle (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) finds herself chained to a wall and speculation infuses. Guilt trips, deceit, humor and delusional familial construct with a solid undercurrent of distrust coat the film until the climax. The thought of trauma-induced hallucinations was even plausible. I didn’t even trust the seminal midpoint of the film refusing to commit to dream, hoax or apocalypse.

John Goodman is fantastic, as always, portraying the unnervingly prepared emancipator, Howard. John Gallagher Jr. adds a soothing dynamic to the tension abound the triumvirate with his aloof and whimsical Emmett. And we wanted Michelle to succeed, whatever that meant.

This film kept me buoyed by suspense and second guesses right up until the end. It was designed to see-saw us back and fourth between perceived certainties at just the right moments. The toilet in the shower might deter potential buyers from 10 Cloverfield Lane but a 4.1 out of 5 napkin rating shows theatrical value.

This film is vanity served up two ways. First, sauteed with narcissism and self-absorption ensuring that Reynolds’ brand of buffoonery would define the film. Second, reduced down to a sauce of pointless and protracted action sequences and dark, over-sexual and unfunny attempts at wit.

The production companies tabled this film for over ten years. They should have left it on the table and threw the table in the fire of one of those aforementioned useless explosions. In researching this story, it seems some wild liberties were taken with the comic to clear the way for more proverbial wank jokes. The avocado bit was funny, yes, but it was flanked on both sides by unnecessary narration, pointless fourth wall breaks and toilet humor.

Deadpool is dumb. Somehow I think that was the point. If you like Reynolds doing slow motion, horizontal airborne spins while complimenting himself and mocking other actors and films, by all means. Personally, I think he should stick to movies like “Employee of the Month”. Wait a second, that was Dane Cook! Same thing, I guess. In short, Deadpool clings to its 1.1 napkins out of 5.

Rafiki (Tshidi Manye) began to sing, giraffes sauntered across the stage, other animals emerged from the audience and tears ran down my face. For the next two hours, we were held blissfully in the story, music and pageantry of this must see.

The choreography, the costumes, the orchestra and percussion and the amazing talents (vocal and thespian) of the participants were all jaw-dropping. For example, when Mufasa (L. Steven Taylor) and Scar (Gareth Saxe) square off, their lion heads lower in front of their faces as the they impeccably act out animal motions and gestures; a single feature so beautifully perfect.

The production answered every question regarding the translation from animation to stage with wide-eyed imagination and asked the audience to believe. And we effortlessly obliged. Each song, from the haunting “Be Prepared” (Saxe) to the playful “Hakuna Matata” (Julian Silva, Jelani Remy, Fred Berman and Ben Jeffrey), was superb.

This wonderful musical is the single most entertaining experience out there. I jumped from my seat to applaud at curtain call. Simba just can’t wait to be king and Film Clas just can’t wait to gladly bestow 5 out of 5 napkins upon The Lion King!