007? Daniel Craig was more like 00.007. If it weren’t for fresh faces (first seen in Skyfall) reprising old characters, Spectre would have went over like a spilled martini.

This film is as convoluted as a funnel cake in the fryer. Christoph Waltz was more of a sketchy weasel than a sinister and deranged Bond villain. And it lacked the cheesy humor we have grown to love throughout the series. For instance, there was a moment where “Buy you a beer?” would have worked perfectly but it passed with only the assertion of an unoriginal expletive.

There was, however, entertainment value in Spectre and the vintage coloration of the green screen during the helicopter scene was a nice throwback to the 70s.

With Q (Whishaw), M (Fiennes), Moneypenny (Harris) and hopefully Idris Elba or Andrew Lincoln as the next Bond, the future of the franchise looks promising. For now, this is Clas, Film Clas and we pull no punches. Spectre downshifts to only 2.9 napkins out of 5.

One of the many teachings of my great friend and coffee coach is that you cannot “chase” latte art. That is, do not ruin the texture of the drink trying to draw a picture with milk foam. Aaron Sorkin, and all of us, could learn from this simple philosophy.

I thought this film was “chasing” that epic quotability Sorkin found in “A Few Good Men”. Fassbender delivered admirably but he was given a deluge of poignant lines in an attempt to transform Cupertino into The West Wing. This nudged the rhythm slightly askew as the dialogue, keeping pace with the mayhem before each product launch, was everything to this film.

Despite this obvious flaw, the picture can be lauded as a dynamic look into the personal relationships of a cultural icon. Seth Rogen and Kate Winslet were outstanding as the people, close to Jobs, who pushed back.

The products Steve Jobs created all get 5 napkin reviews. Steve Jobs, the movie, clicks on 3.8 napkins out of 5, leaving space in the iCloud for slightly better writing.

Mark Rylance’ portrayal of Rudolph Abel’s unflappable persona and stunning aptitude was fascinating. I can only hope for a film depicting his career in espionage starring none other. For now, we can marvel at this performance placed nicely in the breadbasket of an excellent movie.

Tom Hanks was the clear choice to play the lawyer plucked to defend a Russian spy in the face of overwhelming evidence, albeit circumstantial, and public displeasure. I needed to believe that there was a person as good as James Donovan at such a tense juncture in history. Hanks’ congeniality guides us amusingly through the rhetoric and deceit, at home and abroad, in his determined quest for fairness.

These gifted actors unwrapped a screenplay by the Coen Brothers. As masters of conflict dialogue, Joel and Ethan wrote brilliantly for characters trying to discover, hide and pilfer information.

This film suffered slightly from a lack of actual spying, considering the title. However, Rylance should cross the bridge from the Tonys to the Oscars this February. Bridge of Spies negotiates the release of 4.2 napkins out of 5.

Let’s first put a stop sign in front of the Traffic comparisons.

Now, I’ll admit I had high hopes for this film. And why shouldn’t I? Benicio del Toro is an icon, forever etched in our cinematic minds as Javier Rodriguez and Fred Fenster. But the part of Alejandro is meant for the machismo of Jason Statham, not the genius of Benicio. Now that being said, the fabled del Toro took this poorly written role to a possible Oscar nomination, an Olympic feat.

The film takes a visionary FBI agent, Emily Blunt, and drops her into the chaos and corruption along the U.S. border with Mexico. She is scouted by the smirky Josh Brolin, her professional opposite, who uses her integrity and morality against her and for his gain.

I thought the cast acted well but I didn’t love their roles and it was slightly disappointing to find out the entire picture was centered around revenge. While certainly thrilling and entertaining, I should have tempered my expectations a small bit. Note to self.

Sicario gets stopped at the border of mediocre and decent, smuggling in only 3.2 napkins out of 5.

There is an absence of a true antagonist in The Martian, well, besides Mars and the red planet oddly doesn’t seem to pose that big a threat. Even perennial bad guy, Sean Bean, is for the greater good. What!?!

So what happens in this film apart from the obvious? A daily video diary with some gentle jabs at disco fill some space but the science, on Earth (astrodynamics) and Mars (farming potatoes), is spectacular and essential for the film’s carry. This, in turn, leads to Benedict Wong and Donald Glover completely out acting their more A-list pals like Kristen Wiig and Jeff Daniels.

The Martian is a high quality picture. However, the last five minutes were really unnecessary and limiting Matt Damon to one F-word (assuring the PG13 rating, see the Philomena controversy) while stranded on Mars was more unrealistic than being stranded on Mars.

Do these nitpicky flaws, plus the lack of conflict, cancel out the Castaway-like “alone acting” brilliantly displayed by Damon? Not really but it does bring the film down to earth and out of the rarefied air of the Film Clas elite. The Martian parachutes in with 4.1 napkins out of 5.

The great Rosanne Barr once said, “Comedy is the only hope for humanity.” Tom Cruise and the rest of the Mission Impossible gang listened and for that I say, “Bravo!”

The addition of the hilarious Simon Pegg, after the nary watchable MI:II, has brought humor along for the the thrill ride replacing the slow motion head shots. Pegg, as computer savvy sidekick Benji Dunn, injects his unique comedy into the mayhem of the IMF which, in turn, brings out the best in Cruise’ incomparable Ethan Hunt.

In Rogue Nation, the action is elegantly choreographed and just enough “below the top” that you believe. The emergence of quintuple agent Ilsa Faust has you guessing which side she is on, if not all of them. The Syndicate, pressing for a new world order, is headed by the perfectly sinister former MI6 agent, Solomon Lane, whose lurking omnipresence is daunting.

To no surprise, writer/director Christopher McQuarrie (The Usual Suspects) employs twists and turns throughout. To not enjoy this film, as many of my skeptical theater going pals will attest, is impossible. Rogue Nation’s 4.5 napkins out of 5 will self destruct in 5 seconds.

Newsflash: Ian McKellen is really good!

In this film, Sir Ian portrays Sherlock Holmes as the aged and forgetful beekeeper as well as the younger and relentless observer. The transition between the two Sherlocks is seamless and the reasons for each flashback are left to us to figure out as the film progresses. Each segment of this picture is meaningful and relevant as Holmes is burdened by the regret of an unsolved case.

Despite his failing memory, Holmes’ ability to survey and draw conclusions remains unwavering.

Milo Parker’s debut as Roger, the inquisitive and bright-eyed son of Holmes’ caretaker, was noteworthy. As was the skepticism and disapproval of the boy’s mother, played by a flawless Laura Linney.

Well placed humor and Old English dialect have the viewer engulfed in meaningful dialogue, a refreshing idea, as we gain insight into growing old and molding legacy.

There is no mystery in this review. Mr. Holmes was great, worthy of 4 napkins out of 5. Now, I just need to solve the mystery of that spilt milk!