In the vast catalogue of Pixar genius, it is ironic that a film about the brain might register with the lowest IQ.

And I think it is because it was relatable.

A little girl and her struggle with expressing her emotions is truly compelling but, well, human. You might say it is the characters inside her head which take center stage but I answer with the fact that they were still human emotions. Think, for a second, of what we are invariably comparing this film to: a cute little fish, some bugs, bedroom toys, a rat chef, robots, a superhero family and some monsters.

I did, however, enjoy the undeniable Pixar trait of adult humor amidst a children’s movie like the playful jab at the San Francisco foodie scene.

Yet, if it weren’t for Sadness, this film would be blue. I cannot foresee too many kids making space between their Sully and Nemo toys for Bing Bong. Therefore, Inside Out stirs up mixed emotions and a pedestrian 2.4 napkins out of 5.

Somewhere, amidst the apartments.com puns or possibly under the paperwork associated with the living will of Madame D, Jeff Goldblum is confused for the very first time in his life. You see, he just saw Jurassic World and can only muster, “well, there it is.”

This film is, for lack of a better word, stupid. Cue the Indominus Rex. However, it has exciting moments especially when the aviary pops a leak. The nods to the original film were nostalgic yet strategically placed to remind people, like myself, of a film infinitely better than this one. Therefore, my feelings regarding this picture straddle a line between enthusiasm and embarrassment.

There was so much potential here. I saw the Barbasol can in the rain but it was just a commercial for, well, Barbasol. They should have brought Dodgson and Biosyn back. But hey, Trevorrow thought Chris Pratt training raptors with a clicker was more appealing. Thanks Colin.

Jurassic World is a must see but with very low expectations. There is no need to hold onto your butts as it only sinks its talons into 2.9 out of 5 napkins.

Luke Hobbs is sitting in a hospital room in a cast, wrist to shoulder, watching old highlights of himself (Dwayne Johnson) playing football at the University of Miami (very funny). He turns to his daughter and says, “Daddy’s gotta go to work!”, flexes, breaks his cast and rips it off. Seriously?!

That’s why I went to this movie.

I went for the cheesy Dominic Torretto lines (“I don’t have friends, I got family”), the incredible action scenes (Brian O’Connor running up the side of a bus falling off a cliff) and the almost believable but slightly terrible storyline.

The momentum this franchise has developed is historic. This allows us to be content or even excited with the “oh crap, I guess the characters have to say something” writing style as cars go flying through the air like seagulls. I mean, why not?

With a nice tribute to Paul Walker closing the movie, Furious 7 sets the cruise control to slightly above average, coasting to 3.1 out of 5 napkins.

There is much more than a film in front of us here. There is a story of love in the middle of scientific discovery that altered the way we view the universe. It adds humility to someone we never met. We mostly know Stephen Hawking as that generated voice from the computer that chased the notion of time.

The Theory of Oscar Acceptance Speeches could be the alternate title as Eddie Redmayne’s physical deterioration, while keeping a sense of humor and an eye on the universe, was an astonishing cinematic achievement.

The film was drawn by Jane Hawking’s vision of her husband from their Cambridge start all the way until he denied knighthood from the queen. A crazy ride, no doubt.

A brief history of my time at the movie ends with 3.95 cosmic napkins out of 5.

How does Wes Anderson do it?? I would love to sit down to tea with him and draw from his cartoonish and creative mind. This film is fantastic, colorful and dark, artistically beautiful and laugh out loud funny; garnering the distinction as my favorite film this year.

A who’s who of an ensemble cast, with many of the usual players in Anderson films making appearances, Ralph Fiennes as the incomparable concierge M. Gustave clearly wins this picture. Calling everyone from his arresting officers to people that cannot stand him, “darling”, he just nails it. He is defined by the Grand Budapest so much so that he apologizes for his zany actions on its behalf.

There are so many moving parts to the picture, the scenery is playful and the story is expansive. The narration is spot on through the eyes of the lobby boy, Zero. The dialogue speed and scene transitions turn this film into a fast paced adventure.

This film is certainly up to the standards of The Grand Budapest Hotel, checking in with 4.90 napkins out of 5.

The state of amateur athletics in the 80s…whoa. The reward received paled in comparison to the commitment. These Olympic champions were struggling financially and were preyed upon by a paranoid aristocrat desperate for approval (maternal) and recognition (athletic).

Ruffalo and Tatum physically perfected a wrestler’s gait where it seemed they were wrestlers acting instead of the other way around. The cutting weight sequence was amazing. Certainly Carell, made up and monotone reminded us what a creepy and entitled narcissistic baby John du Pont was.

Although slow, I wrap a silver medal around Foxcatcher with 3.25 napkins out of 5.

Zach from Wedding Crashers as a decorated Navy Seal? What?? Bradley Cooper was far from type cast going from absurd FBI agent Richie DiMaso in American Hustle to the legendary soldier Chris Kyle in American Sniper. The funny leader of the Hangover gang bulked up to grab this biopic and run with it straight to the Oscars!

Clint Eastwood brought this personal story to the forefront of a large scale conflict. He focused on Kyle and his chess match with enemy sniper Mustafa. As their rivalry intensified, I became sympathetic to Kyle’s desire to return for tour after tour. He had to protect his friends. In his mind, there was no decision to continue to leave his growing family as long as Mustafa was still in play.

This film was was well done because it didn’t “cover” the war. I salute American Sniper with 3.5 napkins out of 5.

One take? This genius illusion allows Birdman an unexpected element of excitement while taking us frantically and humorously through the narrow halls of (and crowded streets outside) an old off Broadway theater.

Michael Keaton’s Riggan Thompson is self-deprecating and hilarious while trying to regain his relevance. In a brilliant full circle move by Inarritu, Riggan’s superhero alter ego is voiced by Keaton’s Batman.

Ed Norton channels his defining role as Worm from Rounders with his quick wit, fast dialogue and arrogance; darn near stealing the film.

In the season of the biopic, it is refreshing to have such a creative original screenplay. Wonderfully cast with only one exception, the working title should be, “The Unexpected Film of Awesomeness in Spite of Emma Stone”.

I swoop in with 4 heroic napkins out of 5 for Birdman.

After the credits rolled for St. Vincent, I couldn’t help but think about the best “feel good” movies I had seen. Once and Jerry Maguire come to mind especially when you consider both St. Vincent and Maguire finish with the same Dylan tune. Coincidence??

There is a scene in this film so perfect that I laugh every single time it travels through my mind. Vincent (Murray) and Oliver (the young boy) celebrate a victorious day with the horses back at the local and just dance in front of the jukebox. This scene jumpstarts a momentum within the film that doesn’t stop until the final credits.

It was more than young boy enters grumpy old man’s life and turns him around. He was not a bad man but his goodness was brought to the forefront because of the boy’s belief in him.

While McCarthy, Watts and O’Dowd turn in great performances, this film is Bill Murray. Even if you think you predicted the ending, you will still crack a smile and shed a tear.

I gladly give St. Vincent 4.25 napkins out of 5.

Oh boy, I really wanted to like this movie!!

I didn’t.

Although it was neat to see Training Day Ethan Hawke and modern day Ethan Hawke in the same movie, the film fell flat. It seemed like Linklater was caught up in the film’s novelty and simply forgot about creative writing.

I just wanted the boy to laugh. One belly laugh. Instead we were gifted an increasingly cynical young man which was really boring.

I would have rather watched one episode from the each of the first eight seasons of Roseanne. To me that is a much better way to spend three hours watching a family grow up!!

I give Boyhood 1.5 out of 5 napkins, just enough to wipe Patricia Arquette’s consistent tears throughout the entire film.