I have never been pushed purposely toward sleep by a film till Brooklyn. Cue The Beastie Boys. Luckily I caught the matinee and made it through this stunningly emotionless two-hour lullaby.

And that is very disappointing as I love the woven history between New York and Ireland. But the movie isn’t about this. Nor is it beautiful. It isn’t humorous. It isn’t dramatic. The story reduces to a girl making a choice between two guys when her New York secret is discovered in Ireland. Yippee.

Ronan is uninspiring and bland. Thoughts of chutzpah and bravery for leaving Ireland are misguided as she has work, lodging, school and guidance waiting for her in Brooklyn; all set up by an adoring sister.

Predictable stories can be exciting and entertaining but not this one. I wasn’t rooting for the Italian-American plumber or the Irish gentleman to get the girl. I knew what was going to happen and I didn’t care and that is the problem with this film.

I know Nick Hornby is way better than this. Nevertheless, Brooklyn tumbles right down Park Slope with only 1.6 out of 5 napkins to break the fall.